The book is Love That Lasts by Elizabeth Campbell Huss, who has practised family, marriage and
sex therapy locally for more than 26 years. She was able to persuade several couples who were
professional colleagues and friends to write intimately about their marriages. She covers the
spectrum of modern marriage.

Two professionals marry and later one wonders, "Do I have to cease to be I in order to become a
lasting WE?" Should such a one feel guilty about wanting space and time apart from a partner?

Both partners work outside the home which they jointly support. What happens if one returns to
university or the other gets an excellent job offer at the other end of the country? If you start a
family, one income may disappear for a time.

Religion can be a divisive factor. One partner comes from a strict conservative teetotalling family.
The other family cannot imagine a celebration without much alcohol. What kind of wedding reception
will there be?

One couple crossed the faith lines. The orthodox Jews could not accept the Christian. The liberal
Christians could accept the Jews. Does one convert or both give up their faith?

Race can cause problems. The groom was white and very English. The bride was brown Jamaican
but, because of schooling, as English as her husband. When they moved into a London flat the
English landlady saw the brown face and made them repack and move out. Where then do you live?

The worst stresses are unexpected. Slowly you have to admit your son has schizophrenia and
won't take your advice any longer. The husband needs a triple bypass or the wife develops cervical
cancer.

One couple had a baby before marriage and placed her for adoption. Later they married and had a
family. If years later the adopted child seeks you out, how do you respond?

A mother of four learns her teen daughter is a lesbian. How do you handle the emotional shock?
How do you face community prejudice? Can you love her as you did before you knew?

One couple waiting for their daughter to come home gets a phone call. They learn there has been an
accident and she has been killed. How do you put your life back together after this?

Happily, there are less wounding issues. Your married children expect you to babysit your
grandchildren on short notice. Can you say no and not feel guilty?

My wife and I were asked to tell how we stayed together and in love for more than half a century.
As we read what we had written for this book a long time ago and read the other stories,we felt we
had led an uneventful life.

Our daughter on reading the book said, "Well Dad you just proved that some people do live
uneventful lives."

One of the real problems described in the book might also be your problem. Then in Love That Lasts
you will find one couple's solution.

The book is available for $25 from Elizabeth Huss at 519-634-9012  or from Words Worth Books in
downtown Waterloo or from the Chapters stores in Kitchener and Waterloo.

Frank Morgan is a retired United Church minister who lives in Kitchener.

This book would make an excellent gift for your clients.

"I've seen a lot of relationships in
difficulty," Huss said. "I wanted the book
to be read by couples so they could pull
out what (information) they want."

Huss had her own ideas about good marriages, but she wanted to hear it directly -- from couples
who have lived and loved together for more than 30 years, through hard times and challenges that
could crumble a relationship.

The result is a highly readable book in which more than a dozen couples tell how they met, what
attracted them, how they fell in love and how they worked through a myriad of problems. Above all,
Huss wanted complete honesty so she included her own story with husband, Dennis, a financial
adviser.

It's not easy to reveal personal information to strangers and not everyone was co-operative.

"A lot of people turned me down," she said. "Some said 'Yes, tell the story, but you write it.' "

But Huss believed there would be a more complete and honest picture of the relationship if couples
wrote about it themselves and after "a lot of campaigning" she found willing subjects.

"A number of them have therapy backgrounds," she said. "They wanted to support me, they wanted
to get the message out."

However, one couple insisted on using a pseudonym; another objected to having even one word of
their manuscript altered.

Still, they wrote about dealing with a daughter's death, homosexuality, financial crises, racially mixed
marriages, a son with schizophrenia, disability and sexuality issues, and so much more.

How did her couples cope with it all? Simply put, they found strength in love.

"Love is what's left over after being in love has burned away," Huss writes.

With statistics showing more than half of the marriages in Canada ending within seven years, Huss
hopes her book will help couples learn practical strategies for maintaining a happy union.

Gayle and Gerry Harmon, for example, admitted they both have strong egos and views, but they've
learned to use those traits to add spice rather than anger to their marriage.

Record faith columnist Frank Morgan, writing of his life with Helen, said that "after half a century, we
are still married and still in love . . . we relate now in a more mature way than when our relationship
first began."

For Huss, the stories reiterated much of what she already knew about love and marriage as it
grows, festers and heals to become something unique. "The marriage you start out with is not the
marriage you end up with," she said.

As a therapist, Huss repeatedly sees couples struggle over power and poor communication.

"It's just whatever daily living throws your way. It could be financial, could be moving (from town) to
a new job . . . a lot of people are questioning that."

She talks about the many couples who were opposites, but somehow managed to work out their
differences. "Opposites can have a very passionate relationship but after, it can become an irritant."

She is also seeing more young people dealing with a spouse who has been diagnosed with cancer
just as they were starting their life together.

"When a couple comes in for therapy, I try to figure out if they both have enough energy to work on
it," she said. "Often one is just faking (interest). I hear about failure and guilt a lot, but do they invest
enough energy into this relationship?"

Love That Lasts: Personal Stories of Lasting Marriage is available at Chapters and Words Worth
Books in Waterloo, or by calling the author at 884-3776.

KEYS TO MARRIAGE

Whatever the problems, Elizabeth Campbell Huss believes the way to a successful marriage can be
summed up in her 10 commandments:

1. Recognize your partner as being of equal intelligence and skills and being important to the success
of the marriage.

2. Understand your partner is separate, a person of unique needs, emotions, thoughts and
behaviours.

3. Know each person must stand on his or her own, not be a shadow of the other.

4. Have no illusions -- power is equal in marriage.

5. Be respectful -- there is never a winner and loser in marriage.

6. There is no relationship without some anger and disappointment.

7. Be alert -- some of the best things in a marriage are often hidden.

8. Understand that communication signals are never lost -- not talking about an issue means it's too
hot to handle.

9. Be caring about the growth, security and satisfaction of the other person.

10. Be loving, for love and sexual intimacy are the foundations of marriage.

From the United Church Observer

February 2003

Love That Lasts: Personal Stories of Lasting Marriage

Huss, a family therapist, believes marriage can last a lifetime. Her book will be valuable to couples at any stage of married life, as they can learn from others who've stayed together despite problems. Couples write with admirable honesty and perspective about their navigation of such stresses as addictions, the death of a child, illness, opposite personality traits and different values and dreams. As well as covering the big trouble areas--sex, money, and faith--Huss includes a "Marital Check-Up" for first-step self-assessment.

From the Mesa Sun Times

January 2003

Local Author Relates Personal Stories of Marriages That Last

By Bill Somers, Editor

She's an animated, articulate and talented lady who joined us as a winter visitor back in 1994 to the delight of another Fountain of the Sun couple, Dixie and Claude Guldner--all are from the same counselling centre back in Ontario, Canada.

Elizabeth Campbell Huss recognizes the Guldners in her book, "Love That Lasts", calling them "my mentors, for their faith in me to 'do the job', not only in therapy, but to deliver the message of hope for lasting relationships.

About the book itself, Huss says it meant a great deal to her, like giving birth. She points out, "only people who are interested in marriage, and in what makes marriage last, should read this book," noting, "as a marriage and family therapist, I have seen many couples with relationships in trouble..."

Huss observes that some marriages last a lifetime and others end in divorce. Therapists, she says, state that caring, commitment, communication, conflict, compromise and cooperation make marriages workable.

The FOS author has been practicing marriage and family therapy for 30 years. She is a clinical member and approved supervisor with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She is a registered sex therapist and supervisor with the Board of Examiners in Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario.

Huss is a graduate from the Master of Social Work Program at Wilfrid Laurier University. She is a registered social worker with the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers. Formerly the director of clinical services at Interfaith Pastoral Counselling Centre in Kitchener, she now maintains a private practice specializing in sex therapy. Huss got the idea for writing her book seven years ago. It was the Guldners who inspired her and helped initiate the book. They are its first chapter protagonists under the title "Keeping the Candle Burning: Love and Commitment." Her husband Dennis helped her market the book after it was first published in May, 2002, by providing a reference to the site on the web: www.hussconsultants.com In addition he established her book website at www.lovethatlasts.ca

Many publishing houses received her manuscript and just as many replied with "lovely rejection slips." Her only alternative was to self-publish, which she did with Pandora Press in Kitchener, Ontario. She credits its editor at the time, Nathan Stark, for taking on her project and breathing new life and enthusiasm into her book.

So how does Elizabeth Huss spend her time in Fountain of the Sun? For one thing she's an avid tennis player, despite the absence of courts in our park. She does yoga when she's not on the tennis courts. She and Dennis attend local dances and go on hikes. They enjoy theater and travel too. They celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary with a fall trip to India and the kingdom of Bhutan.

Folks choose to read her book because they want fulfilling and lasting relationships. She believes marriages can last a lifetime. In her book each story describes different challenges to those relationships. The 'glue' to a lasting relationship, she asserts, involves communication, intimacy and openness to change.

Her book is in its third printing. Its cover, with a local flavor, depicts a sculpture at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale called "Twin Six Foot Hearts" by Jim Dine. The book is as close as your telephone when you call 380-1386. Or a visit to her S. Saguaro condo will accomplish the same thing.

From the Waterloo Chronicle

July 3, 2002

'Love That Lasts' Waterloo author helps young couples find the key to a successful marriage

By Bob Vrbanac, Chronicle Staff

Before young couples cut into the wedding cake this summer, a local author wants to make sure they know the right recipe for a successful marriage.

Disappointed by all the failed marriages she's dealt with in her years as clinical director of Interfaith Pastoral Counselling Centre, Elizabeth Campbell Huss wanted to write a practical guide about what makes a relationship work, fee of the cultural myth-making that has been propagated by the entertainment industry over the last century.

While divorce rates have dropped in recent years from their peak when on in every two marriages was doomed to fail, Huss argues that a lot of couples are still making that long-term commitment with realizing how much hard work is involved.

"I've seen lots of marriages go down the tubes, and it really concerns me," said Huss. "Young people getting married don't seem to think it's going to last forever."

"I wanted to write a book for people who want their marriage to last, so I thought why not talk to the people whose marriages have lasted."

Married for more that 40 years to her husband Dennis, she looked around for other successful marriages to see what insight they could provide for people entering the matrimonial state. She was able to convince 16 couples to tell their story and has published their down-to-earth expectations of the institution in a book called "Love That Lasts: Personal Stories of Lasting Love."

Now in its third printing by Pandora Press, the stories have been a real eye-opener for people who have picked up the book for the first time. Universally, readers can't believe how honest and frank the discussion is about long-term marriages.

"They ask how did you get these people to be so personal with their lives," said Huss, who is now retired from Interfaith, but continues her marriage and family counselling work in private practice. "They felt that what they were doing would be helpful to other people and they were prepared to share."

Those personal revelations include stories from Huss' own marriage--troubles with illness in the family and the strains it puts on relationships.

"My youngest son Stephen suffers from mental illness," she said about a very painful chapter in the book. "That has been the biggest stressor in our marriage."

"It's been hard on him and hard on us. I notices something wasn't right with him...it was the one time I wish I didn't have therapy skills, but he's doing very well."

The book also includes hopeful examples like the Waterloo couple who celebrated 75 years of marriage, three years short of the official Guinness Book of World Records listing of the world's longest marriage at 78 years.

Huss said the marriage exuded one of the most important ingredients in a successful marriage--humor.

"The couples that I've seen who don't have a sense of humor don't stand a chance," said Huss. "When they've got problems and they can't see the unusual, paradoxical part of what's going on, it's really pathetic."

"You've got to laugh at yourself and not take life so seriously."

Humor is just of of the nine ingredients for a successful marriage that Huss was able to distill from her discussions with the couples. She said it all starts with love.

"The love has to be there," said Huss. "In a long-term marriage it's not the burning, passionate love you started out with, it's the lasting companionship and sharing and that king of stuff."

After love, you have to throw in some healthy doses of good communication, intimacy, sex and passion. Shared values, equality and proper conflict resolution skills are a must, mixed in with generous amounts of the aforementioned good humor.

"I think fairness in fighting is really important, so there's no winners or losers," said Huss. "There has to be two winners or the marriage is going to be a loser."

The book is available at Words Worth Books in Uptown Waterloo, the Waterloo Chapters store and in local libraries. Copies are also available online at www.lovethatlasts.ca and www.hussconsultants.com .

"People have told me it's been helpful to read other people's stories and see how they've dealt with these problems that have come up in their marriage," said Huss. "There's no right model for anyone, but the couple has to really decide how they want their relationship to be.

"Neither on of owns it. There is no relationship unless each of you puts something in it."